Computer: "Do you have your policy number handy?"
Me: "No."
Computer: "Would you like to use your social security number instead?"
Me: "No."
Computer: "In order to assist you properly, you must provide your policy number or social security number. Do you have your Policy number handy?"
Me: "I want to talk to a person!"
Computer: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand your response. Do you have your policy number handy?"
Me: "ASKED AND ANSWERED!"
Computer: "I'm sorry, I didn't understand your response. Do you have your policy number handy?"
Me: "No"
Computer: "Would you like to use your social security number instead?"
Me: "Sure"
Computer: "Please say or type in your social security number now"
Me:
Computer: "You said X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X..; is this correct?"
Me: "Yes"
Computer: "One moment please while I transfer your call..."
Live human: "Hi, thank you for calling XYZ company, may I have your account number or social security number please?"
Me: "Why?"
Live Human: "I need to call up your account."
Me: "I just gave it to the computer."
Live Human: "Well, that part of our system doesn't transfer so I really need you to give it to me."
Me: "No. My question doesn't require calling up my account. I need to know XXXXX"
Live Human: "I'm sorry, Ma'am, in order to ensure that I'm speaking to an existing account holder I need your account number or SSN before I can address your question."
W.T.F.O?! Didn't the computer just do that?!
Me:
Live Human: "Thank you, give me just a moment to call up your account. I see here that you are elligible for ABC service, are you interested in that today?"
Me: "NO. I am rapidly losing patience, I need to know XXXXX"
Live Human: "Well I can assist you with that. One moment please."
Me: HUFF GROAN
Live Human: "While I am waiting to retrieve that information, you might like to know that you qualify for..."
Me: "Please stop. Tell me yes or no or transfer me to a supervisor. Now."
Live Human: "One moment please. The answer to your question is Yes. Is there anything else I can assist you with?"
Me: "No. Thanks."
Second company:
Computer: "Welcome to EFG Company. Are you an existing account holder?"
Me: "Yes"
Computer: "In order to make sure you recieve quality service today, we will need you to enter or say your account number now, followed by the pound key"
Me: ARGH! "XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX#"
Computer: "You have entered X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. Is this correct?"
Me: "Yes"
Computer: "Thank you. Please wait while I call up your account..."
Me: "LET ME TALK TO A PERSON"
Computer: "Your account balance is XX, your last payment was XX and posted on XX. Press 1 to make a payment now. Press 2 to repeat this information."
Me: "uh... Let me talk to a person"
Computer: "I'm sorry, I don't understand your response. Press 1 to make a payment now. Press 2 to repeat this information"
Me: "Customer Service ... ?"
Computer: "I'm sorry, I don't understand your response. Let me transfer your call to someone who can help us"
Live Person: "EFG Company, this is Patreek, may I help you?"
Me: "Yes, I need to know XXX."
Live Person: "Yes, I may be of assistance to you today. May I be having your account number please?"
Me: "I just gave it to the computer."
Live Person: "Yes, I am aware of this. I will be needing you to give me the number however."
Me: "XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"
Live Person: "Thank you. You were saying X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. Y.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X. I am not finding this number."
Me: "You copied the number down wrong. The 15th number is X."
Live Person: "Thank you. Would you be saying the number for me again?"
Me: "No. No, I won't. Would you please answer my question or transfer me to your supervisor?"
Live Person: "I'm sorry. We will be needing your account number to assist you. Would you please be giving me the number?"
Me: "Patreek. Buddy. I did give you the number. You wrote it down wrong. That is not my fault. Now, please answer my question."
Live Person: "The number you have given me is not a number I am finding in our system. I need from you the correct number."
Me: "I hope that you do realize this is insane? X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X.. X"
Live Person: "Thank you. I see your account is being elligible for.. "
Me: "I want nothing but the answer to my question. Got it?"
Live Person: "Thank you. May I be having your question again?"
Me: "I need to know XXX."
Live Person: "Thank you. In order to be answering that question, I will be needing to transfer you. Please hold."
W.T.F.O?! Please tell me what Patreek did for me that the computer hadn't already done?!
Live Person: "Thank you for calling XYZ company, this is Sholanda, may I help you?"
Me: "Yes, I need to know XXXX."
Live Person: "I can assist you with that, but first I need to verify the name on your account."
Me: "Why? It is a simple yes or no question."
Live Person: "I'm sorry ma'am, but in order to ensure that I'm talking to the account holder, I really need to verify your name."
Me:
She was kidding, right?
Me: "I need to know XXXX"
Live Person: "Yes."
Me: "Thanks"
ARGH!
